I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
