as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
