how can u be prego again
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
