what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
