Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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