I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
