my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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