I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
