Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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