I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
where am i from again
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
