I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
