I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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