Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
