i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
