My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
