I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
