dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
