She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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