I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
