I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
