I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
