Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
