Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
