Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
