She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
