That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
