every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
