We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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