Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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