How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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