don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
