see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
