two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Randomize
