I'm sorry my penis didn't work
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
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