I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
