My underwear smells like fireworks.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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