I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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