70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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