Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
