my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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