i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
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My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
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She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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