The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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