I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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