i think my tv is drunk
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
