he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Can you bring me the toilet please
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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