You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
