whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
