It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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