I only kidnapped one of them. chill
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
