Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
