he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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