i was born a porn star she said
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
