Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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