How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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