If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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