I was born with a shot glass in my hand
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
