He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
he high fived his dick after we had sex
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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